


a burning, lonesome love

by ushjima (kongniverse)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Angst, M/M, there are mentions of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5399414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kongniverse/pseuds/ushjima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Falling in love with Matsukawa was something he never intended on happening. And he feels his chest tighten whenever he thinks about it. Of his stupid youth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a burning, lonesome love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I basically re-wrote this from my old fic called 'Extraordinaire' because I feel like, I could've worked more on it. I hope it's great and that you all enjoy it! Comments and kudos are always welcome.

Chatter and laughter filled up the small and cramped booth that only grew louder and merrier as the sky grew darker outside. There were clanking of glass bottles, strong and lingering scent of tobacco and spills of alcohol all over the wooden table. They looked happy, at least. If not, Oikawa had completely spilled his beer all over his shirt and also onto Iwaizumi—to which the male smacks upside of Oikawa’s head and tells him to stay still. He was always known as the clumsy drunk.

“I can’t believe he is getting married!” Oikawa slams his fist onto the table and chugs down the rest of the beer in one go. Iwaizumi beside him had given up on drinking, hours and hours ago, probably around Oikawa’s third glass of beer, as he felt himself grow more and more nauseated at the mixed smell of cigarettes and liquor. He goes to smack Oikawa’s hand away when he tries to reach for the bottle of sake in front of him. “Stop drinking Tooru.” He grumbles. “Don’t you know it’s bad to drink sake with beer?”

“Oikawa-san, please calm down.” Yahaba sighs, sounding concerned yet still laughing a little at his upperclassman. It was thrilling to say the least. It had been years since they were all gathered together like this. Most of the time it was just a few of them—grabbing dinner, a few drinks. And of course, recalling memories of high school; some that are funny and some that were straight up too embarrassing.

They come to realize how even now, 15 years later, nothing has changed. Same old behavior like back when they were just bratty hormonal teenagers.

“But that’s surprising, really. Matsukawa-san getting married.” Kunimi breathes out a puff of smoke into the air and Kindaichi only nods in agreement beside him.

“Yeah, I guess I never expected him, out of all people, to get married.”

“He didn’t seem like the guy who’d settle down.” Iwaizumi adds. Matsukawa has never showed interest in anyone back in their high school years. Oikawa remembers the way Matsukawa would dryly say “Ah, love is so nice” whenever the guy catches Oikawa sending kisses at Iwaizumi in the middle of gym class. It wasn’t like he wasn’t popular. Hell no. Matsukawa was quite popular among girls, cute ones that Yahaba and Oikawa sort of resented Matsukawa for since he does have cool and silent aura surrounding him unlike the two prom king duo. And now, being given the news that he’s about to get married, it’s a mix of wanting to be happy for him but also confusion.   

“When did Matsukawa-san start dating his current fiancée?” Yahaba asks, while pouring more liquor into his empty glass.

Kunimi shrugs before placing the cigarette between his fingers on the side of the ashtray. “He’s a private man.” Kunimi brushes the hair out of his hair. “I need to pee.” He says again, telling Kindaichi to move aside so he can get out of the booth.

“That kid smokes too much nowadays.” Iwaizumi mumbles underneath his breath. Oikawa snorts at Iwaizumi’s remark.

“Stop calling him a kid, Iwa-chan. He’s 31.”

“Still,” Iwaizumi groans. Iwaizumi still sees Kunimi as the 13 year old kid he had first met back in middle school. Still so young, so small and innocent. And it amazes him how now, the boy towers over him and that back in middle school, Iwaizumi was the one who grabs books out of the high book shelves in the library for him.

“Anyway,” Oikawa continues, resting his chin on his hands and leans in. “Makki—don’t you plan on doing something similar?” Oikawa looks at Hanamaki who is sitting across him and has pretty much kept silent throughout the entire night.

“What do you mean?” He cocks his eyebrow.

“Well, you and Yahaba have been dating for more than what? 10 years now, right? Why not tie the knot?” Oikawa directs his gaze at the couple. Hanamaki had started dating Yahaba the spring that he graduated from high school. He can still clearly remember it.

Ten years. Hanamaki swallows down the rest of his drink and places the glass down on the table with a loud clank. _Yeah, ten years._

“We live together. Close enough to a marriage as it is. Why would we change that?” Yahaba looks over at his boyfriend and back at Oikawa in front of him. Hanamaki had always uncomfortable whenever someone asked him why he and Yahaba aren’t thinking or planning to get married.

It’s not as if Yahaba didn’t want to get married. It certainly sounds lovely from all of the stories that Watari tells him about his wife and kids.

“Ugh—whatever you say, Makki.” Oikawa groans in irritation and Hanamaki can’t help but shake his head and sigh. Kunimi returns from the bathroom and ungracefully slouches beside Kindaichi, who was pretty much gone from the amount of alcohol he drank.

“Why’s the air so tense?” Kunimi reaches out again to grab his cigarette from the ashtray. It’s practically half burnt off, from how long he had left it to go to the bathroom. He gently taps it to let the ashes fall in the tray before placing it in between his lips.

“Kunimi-chan, maybe you shouldn’t smoke too much.” Oikawa pleas at his underclassmen. Kunimi rolls his eyes and took out his hair tie out of his hair. A statement he gets told way too many times. From his mother, his older sister, and sometimes from Kindaichi even. Cause Kindaichi is awoken by the fire alarm in the middle of the night and he can no longer distinguish if it’s a fire from the stove or just Kunimi on a deadline.  

“I would if I could—but no thanks.” Kunimi answers back.

“What kind of answer is that Kunimi?” Iwaizumi feels defeated and Oikawa soon joins in with a light laugh. “You’re going to look older than all of us.” Kunimi only replies with a nod but continues to blow the smoke out into the air anyway.  

“Work has been exhausting lately.” Kunimi rambles on as he began chewing at the end of his cigarette. It was noticeable how dark and heavy the eye bags were underneath Kunimi’s eyes were and his constant yawning all resulted from the hours of him overworking at the office. “This is my only way to get my mind off—things. Work things. Bullshit colleagues.”

“Big construction plans?” Kunimi nods and his hand goes to tousle Kindaichi’s hair, grinning at the feel of the rough spikes of his boyfriend’s hair. “What are you building this time?”

Kunimi puts the cigarette out in the ashtray and straightens his back, feeling it crack at several spots. He wonders when he’s turned into such an old man. “A new office—that law firm, what was it called again—Hasegawa and something. They want to renovate their entire firm.”

“Maybe it’s a good idea if you remember your client’s names, Kunimi.” Yahaba responds. “Hasegawa & Partners.”

“I don’t work in the legal field like you, Yahaba-san. I don’t need to know that.”

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Oikawa grins and wraps his arms around Iwaizumi. “We’re all so mature now—ah, do you think Mattsun will ask me to write a speech for his wedding?”

Iwaizumi looks at Oikawa in confusion. He wanted to be serious but half of him is wanting to burst out laughing. “First of all, why would Matsukawa ask you?”

Oikawa clears his throat. “Well as one of his dearest friends from high school and also his former team captain, I feel like I would be the first in line to give a speech at his wedding.” It didn’t take long for the whole team to burst into laughter at the confidence and hilarity of Oikawa’s statement.

“You’re killing me, Tooru.” Iwaizumi grabs at his stomach that was hurting from laughing too hard. “Out of all people, wouldn’t it be Hanamaki?”

Hanamaki averts his eyes away from Iwaizumi and Oikawa and shrugs.

“We don’t _know_ that yet.”

Again, Yahaba feels the discomfort in Hanamaki’s tone. The kind he does when Yahaba is taking too long at a store and he just wants to get home and sleep as soon as possible.   

“I think we should just wait till Matsukawa actually says something to us rather than making assumptions.” Iwaizumi gest up from his seat and brushes the crumbs off his trousers. “Let’s go split the bill and call it a night, I have a meeting tomorrow morning.”

\---

The drive home was silent. The kind of silence that Yahaba really hates. Sharp and stinging. Over the years that he has been with Hanamaki, Yahaba can easily pick up Hanamaki’s awful habits whenever he is upset or troubled.

Hanamaki has always prided himself in being unpredictable and hard to read.

But Yahaba knows, that to him, he’s like an open book.

“Are you alright? You’ve been awfully quiet all night.” Yahaba asks Hanamaki who was focusing on driving and looking at the road. The radio starts to play UVERworld, Yahaba’s favorite band, but he reaches for the volume button to lower the volume in hope that his boyfriend will tell him what’s wrong. But Hanamaki only shrugs before turning his face away from Yahaba. “Takahiro-san, you can tell me anything—okay?” and Hanamaki only nods, with no words coming out of his mouth.

Yahaba lets out a sigh and turns his head to look outside of the window. The sky was dark, cloudy, and with no stars in sight. He missed the stars. The road was still beautifully lit up by the rows of lamp posts that they drove by. He opens the car window and sticks his hand out, loving the feeling of the cold night’s air hitting against his skin.

12A.M in the middle of winter has never looked more beautiful.  

“Don’t stick your hand out of the window, Shigeru.” Hanamaki musters out what seems like the only sentence he’s said throughout the entire drive home.

Yahaba, in all his defeat and annoyance, withdraws his hand back into the car and closes the car window. He looks over at Hanamaki who is still focusing on driving and driving alone.

In all of his confidence, Yahaba can say that he notices everything about Hanamaki. When he’s sad, when he’s mad, when he’s absolutely happy. It’s noticeable from the littlest things. Like the way his eyes moves from side to side when he is panicked or to the way his fingers would claw into whatever surface he holds onto when he’s angry. And Yahaba was always there. _Always_. And this act of Hanamaki trying not to meet his eyes with Yahaba’s, is just a way of him saying that he doesn’t want Yahaba to actually know how he’s feeling.

“You don’t have to be so cold, Takahiro-san.” Yahaba whines and plays with Hanamaki’s idle hand, taking it into his lap and lacing their fingers together.

Hanamaki’s hand has always been bigger than his.

“I’m not being cold,” Hanamaki coughs, finally looking over at the passenger seat. “And you look ugly pouting like that.” Hanamaki chuckles and pulls his hand out of Yahaba’s lap only to pinch his cheek.

The second they reach their apartment, Yahaba bolts to the bathroom, feeling as if he could throw up from how much he had to drink at the little reunion earlier at the bar.

 Hanamaki closes the door behind him and places the keys in the small key bowl by the front door that Yahaba bought for him. He has a habit of losing his keys. So for Hanamaki’s 27th birthday, Yahaba had taken the role of a savior and bought him a key bowl. Just to make his life a little easier.

“Shigeru, make sure you shower before you go to sleep.” Hanamaki yells out. Yahaba always forgets to shower whenever he comes home late—which leads to Hanamaki being awaken by an alcohol reeking and sweaty boyfriend in the middle of the night.

There was a long silence before Yahaba yells out ‘okay’ from the end of the corridor, followed by the sound of the toilet being flushed. Hanamaki takes off his coat and throws it over the arm of the couch before flopping onto it, burying his head in the pillows. And there’s only one thing that’s on his mind.

Matsukawa is getting married.

He felt weird. Like it was some kind of foreign news to him and he’s been trying to stomach in the fact. His hands messily grope the coffee table trying to grab the remote control, hoping that a little TV can get his mind off the topic of conversation that happened earlier. Stupid Oikawa and Iwaizumi.  

“Takahiro-san,” Yahaba yells from down the hall. “Can you grab a bottle of shampoo from the storage?” Hanamaki groans and lifted himself off the couch. He drags his feet to the storage cabinet. He feels—heavy. Yahaba is waiting by the doorway of the bathroom with a towel hanging low around his hips and dripping wet. _This guy, he got in the shower without realizing there was no shampoo._

“You’re getting the floor wet, Shigeru.” Hanamaki eyes at his boyfriend from head to toe, admiring how beautiful he looks, even if he oddly resembles a drenched sheep. Yahaba was quick to grab the shampoo bottle out of his hand but before turning around into the bathroom, Hanamaki grabs him by his arm and pulls him in closer.

“Don’t tell me you’re turned on—I have to shower.”

“Maybe I’ll come and join you in there.” Hanamaki chuckles whilst towering over Yahaba, planting a quick peck onto his lips. He admits, Yahaba is irresistible. Always have been since high school and even now when he’s 32 and he looks more like a 23 year old than someone in his thirties. Hanamaki feels Yahaba smile against his lips before pushing him away.

“I just threw up y’know.”

“Yeah—that’s pretty gross of you.” Yahaba giggle and retreats into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. Hanamaki is tempted to join in but decides otherwise, wanting to just head straight to bed.  

\---

Hanamaki meets Oikawa for coffee the next day and he’s entertained by the sight of a hungover Oikawa, wearing big sunglasses presumably to hide the redness in his eyes and his mouth was hidden behind the thick woolen scarf. Oikawa groans that he’s no longer the drinker he used to be back in his 20s—where he’d drink like a sailor at night and wake up completely fine in the morning.

            “I threw up four times before meeting you here,” Oikawa groans and rubs at his temple. “I hate being 30.”

            “You’re 33.” Hanamaki takes a sip of his coffee. Cringing a little at the bitterness but it was enough to keep him awake. “Also, that’s disgusting. Never share that with me.”

            Oikawa looks up from his coffee at Hanamaki, and Hanamaki can see just a peek of his eyes behind the sunglasses. They were red. Bloodshot. “How are you not hungover?” Oikawa slouches against the back of the chair.

            “I didn’t drink as much as you—and I had to drive home.” Oikawa groans, again, sounding uglier each second and it still amazes Hanamaki that all of the girls that entered the coffee shop immediately stares at Oikawa, thinking he’s some bigshot celebrity with those flashy sunglasses and dressed in completely black aside from the scarf. In reality he’s just a hungover old man. “Anyway, you said you had something to tell me?”

            Oikawa clears his throat and straightens his back. He leans forward a little and this probably proves a little seriousness in him and whatever he’s about to tell Hanamaki. “Matsukawa wants you to write a wedding speech.”

            Hanamaki sort of half expected this somehow so he wasn’t going completely blank, after this idiot had mentioned about it during yesterday’s little reunion. “How do you know that?”

            “You know how I drunk text?” and Hanamaki nods. Of course. It was rational—for your best friend to give a wedding speech at your wedding.

From an outsider’s point of view it’s rather tradition and somewhat sweet, seeing two friends who joke around about wanting to strangle each other and calling each other with insults as a way of greeting giving a heartfelt speech. Oikawa would’ve given a speech at Iwaizumi’s wedding, and so would Iwaizumi at Oikawa’s. But that would be called wedding vows instead. Well, since Oikawa and Iwaizumi are married to each other. They’ve been married since they were in high school, probably. Hanamaki faintly remembers crying at Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s wedding.

            “Are you okay with that though, Makki?” Oikawa asks again, finally taking the sunglasses of his face and placing it beside his cup of coffee. He runs his fingers through his brown hair and it falls neatly on his forehead. Hanamaki sort of wishes he had friends who didn’t grow handsome with age.

            “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” He knits his eyebrow in confusion. Oikawa breaks off his eye contact from him, looking around the shop frantically and swallowing. He’s hesitating to answer Hanamaki’s question. “Don’t answer that.” Hanamaki knows why anyway.

            “You were in love with him, right?”

            This time it was Hanamaki’s turn to look away from Oikawa. Focusing on anything other than this conversation. There was a group of girls beside their table who have been squealing giddily at their phones, another table had a university student with two cups of coffee and aggressively typing onto his laptop and he momentarily thinks to himself ‘ah, youth’ but swallows the thought cause he is turning into an old man.

            “I’m sorry.” Oikawa mutters and Hanamaki shakes his head, telling him it was okay when really, he felt like his heart had sunk to his stomach.

\---

“Turns out, I do have to write a speech.” Hanamaki tells Yahaba with a toast in mouth. Yahaba pauses momentarily in front of the fridge, trying to properly understand what he just said because honestly, whatever Hanamaki just said, was all muffled by the piece of toast. He throws a glance at Hanamakiwho was sitting at the dining table and reading the newspaper.

“I’m not surprised.” Yahaba closes the fridge after grabbing two eggs and placing it on the counter. “You two are best-friends, after all.” Hanamaki rolls his eyes at that remark.

“And if you have any trouble with it, I’ll be here to help you.” Yahaba walks over to cup Hanamaki’s cheek with his hands and plants a soft kiss on his forehead. “I know you can do it, Takahiro-san.”

Yahaba leaves Hanamaki alone to start making his own breakfast. He hears Yahaba humming a melody—the same song he hums when he’s cooking, the same song that he has heard for the last ten years they’ve been together. And he just watches Yahaba’s back from the dining table, busying himself in his cooking. So Hanamaki returns back to his newspaper and finishes the last of his toast.

\---

Hanamaki sighs and throws his head back against his office chair. He’s been sitting there for hours on end now, staring at the blank document on his computer.

He keeps typing, and deleting, typing and deleting again afterwards. Whatever he writes onto the document didn’t feel right. It was for Matsukawa after all. Even though Yahaba had explicitly stated that he would help if Hanamaki was ever in a pinch or at loss for words, it was wrong. On so many levels.

Hanamaki Takahiro was in love with this person. And the sole idea of his current lover helping him write a heartfelt speech for someone he once loved—no, Yahaba is way more mature than that to be upset over this sort of thing. And it bothered him even more that Oikawa had to mention and ask him if he was okay with writing this speech for Matsukawa, knowing that he once had feelings for this person.

He has long moved on.

Falling in love with Matsukawa was something he never intended on happening. And he feels his chest tighten whenever he thinks about it. Of his stupid youth.   

Hanamaki looks at the time on his computer. It was 8p.m. already and Yahaba must be on his way home. He felt a little lonely—he always does when he’s alone in his apartment, and he’s just waiting for Yahaba to walk through the door and give him a bone crushing hug that Yahaba always complains about. But he knows Yahaba loves it deep down in his heart.  

“Makki~” There was a loud bang and rattling from the front door. Hanamaki jolts and rushes over towards the entrance. He hopes that it’s not a robber. It was Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Matsukawa. Drunk. Hanamaki thinks he might’ve missed their calls and texts about going out to drink that night because he was too busy wallowing in front of the computer and trying to write Matsukawa’s wedding speech.

“Don’t just come in here like you live here. Why do you even have a duplicate of my keys?” Hanamaki snaps and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Do you mind if I use your bathroom? I need to throw up.” Oikawa quickly takes off his shoes and hurries inside of Hanamaki’s apartment. He was soon followed by Iwaizumi who had completely forgotten to greet Hanamaki by the entrance due to his husband being on the verge of vomiting. Hanamaki sighs in defeat and tidy’s the mess Oikawa created.

“Oikawa is still the idiotic type of drunk I see.” Matsukawa smirks. Hanamaki feels his stomach sink the moment his eyes meet with Matsukawa’s.

“Is Yahaba home?”

“No, he’s still at work. Should be on his way back now.”

“I see.” Matsukawa nods and takes off his shoes. He waltzes into Hanamaki’s living room as if he lives there—something that Hanamaki had wished for back in the past. He had talked about living together with Matsukawa for university. Two sets of table wear, dinner for two every night. There were a lot of things he longed for and Matsukawa Issei was one of them.  

And he felt his heart ache, remembering the walls he built for years trying to hide all of his feelings away, remembering the jealousy he felt when he saw Matsukawa talk to other girls with the happiest smile on his face, their gentle and small fingers running up the length of his arm and the sweet voices who call out his name as he tells them jokes he’d later tell Hanamaki in the clubroom. And he felt wrong—cause Matsukawa wasn’t his. And he never will be.  

“ _Dude_ , I can’t believe you’re actually writing the script for my wedding speech.” Matsukawa laughs, leaning over the chair and looking at Hanamaki’s desktop.

“Go away. You asked me to write a speech and I did.” Hanamaki slaps Matsukawa’s back. It felt so firm and broad underneath his hand and exactly the same way it used to feel whenever they gave a slap on the shoulder after a successful block or spike. Matsukawa grabs Hanamaki in a headlock and it felt as if they were back in high school. Back when it was Matsukawa—just normal Matsukawa who he considered his best-friend. The Matsukawa he had met on his first year of high school, the Matsukawa who he thought was intimidating and terrifying. The Matsukawa who he had fallen so hopelessly in love with. Before he ruined everything.

“Stop that! It hurts, you drunken old man.” Hanamaki heaves as he collapses onto the floor, feeling like he could’ve choked to death from Matsukawa’s deadly headlock.

“I guess I’m still stronger than you. Who’s the old man now?” Hanamaki laughs even though it hurt so much for him to see Matsukawa here right now.

“Matsukawa.”

“Yeah?”

“Congratulations on your marriage.”

“Thanks.” Matsukawa smiles at Hanamaki. It was sincere, genuine and Hanamaki felt like he could break into a million pieces then and there.

“Um, about your wedding speech. I can’t seem to write it.” Hanamaki scratches the back of his head. He felt his face burn and his stomach sinks lower and lower as the second passes. Matsukawa sighs, and averts his gaze around the apartment.

“Well, I guess you’re free to ignore whatever I say because I’m pretty drunk right now.” Matsukawa mutters underneath his breath, leaving Hanamaki looking puzzled.

“I was in love with you a long time ago.” Matsukawa runs his fingers through his hair. “I was terrified and I wanted to tell you, on the day of our graduation.” He looks down at the floor and his fingers play with the hem of his shirt, just like when he’s nervous before big tournaments in high school. “But I heard you—and Yahaba, I guess I was too late.”

It felt as if time had stood still. Hanamaki feels his jaw drop in disbelief, his once whole heart slowly shattering into tiny pieces. The walls he built after all these years to keep his feelings for Matsukawa away, crumbles into an unholy ruin right in front of him.

“Don’t say such _stupid_ things!” Hanamaki slaps Matsukawa in the face. “Do you know not to say those things a day before getting married? That’s bad luck you dumbass.” Matsukawa was surprised, not expecting that Hanamaki would slap him, especially after saying that.

“I guess you’re right.” Matsukawa snickers. He feels relieved, much to his dismay, but also lonely and drained. Oikawa and Iwaizumi stumble out of the bathroom with a large thump, which dissolves whatever tension there was between Matsukawa and Hanamaki. They rush over to help Iwaizumi carry Oikawa, who apparently passed out and lost all feeling in his legs after throwing up multiple times into the toilet bowl.

“Sorry, Hanamaki, this guy passed out. I have to take him home.” Matsukawa says, sounding a little apologetic. He throws Oikawa’s arms over his shoulder and helps Iwaizumi carry him out of Hanamaki’s apartment.

“I cleaned up in there. Don’t worry.” Iwaizumi searches his pockets for his car keys. Yahaba enters through the door the exact moment the three of them were about to leave.

“Oh, Yahaba? Hello.” Matsukawa greets and Yahaba smiles, while giving his congratulations to Matsukawa before letting them out of the door and closing it behind him.

            And before they had left, specifically before Oikawa and Iwaizumi stumble out of the bathroom, Matsukawa had hugged him. Tight. Bone crushing. And he lost all feeling in his legs as he feels the big embrace he’s yearned for all these years. “I still want you to write the speech. You’re important to me.”

 “Certainly seemed lively in here till I came back?” Yahaba giggles to himself while taking off his work shoes and placing it neatly in the shoe cabinet. Hanamaki stood there in silence. His mind going completely blank and his heart was racing, faster and faster and it felt as if it could jump out of his chest any second. And then there was a loud thud. Then sobbing and there were also tears that fell and stained the floor under him. Hanamaki’s knees gave out with his hands covering his face. He couldn’t think properly. He couldn’t process whatever just happened. He didn’t care if Yahaba could see him like this, right now—screw his pride on being unpredictable, cold and unreadable.

“Takahiro-san? What happened?” Yahaba hurries over to Hanamaki, squatting down beside him and wrapping his arms around him. He felt small in Yahaba’s arms.

“Shigeru,” Hanamaki cries out, his voice muffled behind his hands and sobbing.  

“Please look at me.”

Hanamaki lowers his hands from his face, his eyes were red and his nose was dripping with snot and Yahaba didn’t care if he was getting mucus and tears all over his hands. “I was in love with Matsukawa.”

Yahaba drops his hands beside his body and sighs.

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Takahiro-san?” His voice sounds so sweet but also with pain, like it was strained. Yahaba cups his hands on Hanamaki’s cheek, placing small kisses on the bridge of Hanamaki’s nose and tasting the saltiness from the tears on his lips. His kisses were always so gentle and soft.

“Listen to me. I know you love Matsukawa-san. I’ve known for the past ten or so years we’ve been dating. But in the end, on the day of your graduation, you still chose me. It hurt back then and it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt now but I know. Because I love you more than anything in this entire world.” Yahaba is holding back all of his will to start crying because indeed, love does hurt. And Yahaba is strong and endured everything to be able to stay by Hanamaki’s side like this. His love was sincere.

“I don’t know my standing right now, whether I was your first, second, or even your fifteenth choice,” Yahaba takes a breath before continuing to speak, his thumbs wiping Hanamaki’s tears away. “But right now, I’m just happy I have you.”

“But—“

“It doesn’t matter. Because it’s all in the past.” Yahaba interrupts Hanamaki with a small peck on his lips. “I wish you the very best of luck for the speech.”

\---

“Oh? I see that your speech is ready Makki.” Oikawa straightens his tie in front of the mirror and he looks over at Hanamaki who was fumbling with his cufflinks. Oikawa’s hair was slicked back and styled neatly, now he actually looks like a model compared to that morning he met him at the coffee shop.

Today was the day of the wedding ceremony and everyone is gathered at the back and getting ready. Watari was busy helping Yahaba with his tuxedo and Kindaichi, was being attacked by the comb because the hair stylist said that his hair style isn’t wedding appropriate.

“What did you write?” Iwaizumi asks, his hands were busy trying to style Kunimi’s hair neatly because according to Oikawa, Kunimi’s current hairstyle was an ‘abomination to every hair stylist in the world’ and also ‘get a damn haircut’. Hanamaki chuckles to himself and fiddles with the folded piece of paper in his hand.

“A real tear-jerker.” He smiles and Oikawa’s mouth falls agape in surprise and punches Hanamaki’s side, causing him to wince a little and he threatens to mess Oikawa’s hair up.

“Don’t do a revenge speech on the day of the man’s wedding! Are you trying to ruin his life?!” Oikawa yells and everyone at the dressing room stares at the ruckus that Oikawa has created. It was time to leave the dressing room and position themselves in the ceremony. One by one, the wedding organizer ordered them out of the room and Hanamaki and Oikawa were the last ones to leave the room. Oikawa takes an extra second to fix Hanamaki’s hair, telling him that he should look presentable and handsome for when he’s delivering his speech.

“Don’t worry.” Hanamaki smiles before he places the piece of paper into his pocket. “Cause this speech contains, the world’s most extraordinary proposal.”

\---

_“I fell into a burning yet lonesome love._

_I got lost in a promise of a love I never knew about._

_It wasn’t my first, but it also won’t be my last. It was awkward, and stupid and exactly how you would describe a teen just learning the feeling of love. It was so stupid to the point that I laughed every time I thought about it._

_But at the same time, my heart also sunk._

_I tried to shake away those feelings. But whenever I see you, standing there so tall, so beautiful, and your smile that was always genuine. It felt as if I have fallen for you all over again._

_I, Hanamaki Takahiro… was in love with Matsukawa Issei._

_It was bitter and lonely and I felt like all hope was lost for me to find love. But, I finally learnt how love was actually so sweet. How endearing it was to have someone love you regardless and in the purest and most sincere way. My days were never complete till I met you. I adore you. Your embraces, your sweet and gentle voice as you call out my name._

_Yahaba Shigeru, will you marry me?”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on Gusari-sensei's KNB doujin called "Love at Age 30" and it was honestly, so very sad and beautiful. I loved it so much.


End file.
